A little Thursday night stream-of-consciousness

Lately I've been talking with my therapist about how I've basically become the cliche I hate: the woman who doesn't take care of herself.

I'm pretty awesome at saying no to obligations. And I take no credit for that whatsoever, because it was Keith who taught me 5 years ago that it was ok to say no -- even when a church lady calls and asks you to be on a committee that you can't join right now. He did that for us and I was appalled, but he was absolutely right. (And you know what? Keith joined that very committee a few years later, when it was the right time.)

What I'm not so great at is saying yes to loving gestures. Keith desires to show his love for me by giving me mommy breaks. He offers massages, solo trips to Starbucks, secret alone time (when I hide in the bedroom and he tells Henry I'm busy), and foot rubs. I'm learning to accept them. My therapist calls it being a gracious receiver.

Anyway, this week God tossed two paper airplanes into my lap with these messages.

"Help me let You love me."  This was a prayer a friend's Christian psychiatrist once suggested that she pray. She shared this during Women's Bible study this week - not just to me, but definitely to me. I mean... I don't even have words.

Then, I sat down to relax tonight after work, and Emily Freeman had written this post, with these words:

“You might not be Jesus in the story you’re telling. Maybe the person you’re with is meant to be Jesus to you.”  Preston Yancey

Um, yep. I always see myself as the one with something to offer, the one who has to be Jesus to everyone else. I never think of allowing others to minister to me.

How crazy and messed up is that?

We all need Jesus. We all need to be loved, served, and encouraged by the human hands and feet of Christ. You know who doesn't need Jesus?

Jesus.

If we were all giving and never receiving, then what would be the point of giving?

The truly ironic thing is that I've written about this before. I know an empty cup won't pour. But - goodness gracious - do I ever have a short term memory! Life has a way of dulling the brain, and the only thing, the only thing at all, that will sharpen? The thing that's sharper than a double-edged sword.

Yeah, the Word.

And what have I been neglecting? Ugh. I'm ridiculous.