Changes

Written several weeks ago.

Friday morning Henry woke up with impetigo under his nose and around his mouth, so we went to the pediatrician. Henry has always been a champ at doctors' offices (unless they're removing a Craisin from his nose), but his anxiety over such things seems to increase as he gets older, and our last dentist appointment involved a massive meltdown. Still, I didn't think this morning would be a big deal. I was wrong.

I can't think of anything that produces more emotions in me than enduring one of Henry's meltdowns. Fear, sadness, embarrassment, anger, helplessness.  After all the ones I've endured, the emotions remain. Still, I'm thankful for two big changes:

1. The meltdowns are less frequent with each passing year.
2. I'm gaining control over my negative reactions that only escalate Henry's mental and emotional distress.

I've noticed other changes in me lately. A couple of weeks ago a precious older man was next to me during Henry's ninjutsu class, a tiny little girl sitting on his lap. He winked at me and said, "Henry needs a little sister." At one time this would have sent me into a lip-quivering smile followed by silence choking back tears, but not that day. Not anymore. I am totally fine with being the mom of one. This knowledge was a bit surprising and completely refreshing.

I never asked for this life, never expected this life, but I'm happy Henry is my tour guide.