Tuesday morning Henry once again demonstrated the power of routine for kids with ASD. Normally, we arrive at church preschool early enough that he sits on a bench and waits for Mrs. Kim, the director, to open the door. This morning, however, we arrived just as the door was opening. He would not go down the hall to his room until he sat on the bench. I agreed that we could sit for a moment, but unfortunately, this turned into his not wanting to go to school at all. This is not normal; he loves church school. As I could see he was escalating to the cusp of a scary moment, I did some quick thinking to avoid a scene. How did I convince him to go in? A cough drop (really a Vitamin C drop). With "cough drop" in hand, he happily pranced into the room to greet Cookie the fish.
Many wouldn't understand such decisions Keith and I, and other parents of children with special needs, have to make. Perhaps it seems we are placating or endorsing troublesome behavior. But the fact is, for children with ASD, an unexpected change in routine (often one we, the parents, don't think of as a routine) can be a nightmare. Sensory issues complicate this further. We know our children's triggers and do our best to avoid them and troubleshoot them when necessary. Neurotypical folks have a hard time understanding the anxiety and even pain a surprise can bring to a child on the spectrum; nevertheless, we can clearly see the effects.
An "autism moment," as I call them, may look to an outsider like a spoiled tantrum. Certainly, a young child with autism can still have those too! But a true meltdown differs from a bratty tantrum in at least one major way: lack of rationale. The outburst is not directed at a particular person or an obvious situation (i.e. the parent not allowing the child to have his way). Instead, the outburst appears to have no logical reason. The child's state of mind is such that she cannot recall previous lessons learned or process the parent's instructions or even attempts to soothe.
Keith and I have been able to identify most of Henry's triggers over time, but the fact is that we can't possibly know what Henry is thinking every moment of every day. I never would have imagined he would be so thrown by arriving at school on time rather than early, and I'm glad the cough drop worked. I've seen what happens when my tricks are futile. However, his moments are few, and we are supremely grateful for Henry's ability to self-soothe. If allowed to work it out on his own, he can usually calm down in a reasonable amount of time. My research and speaking to other folks have shown me this is not always the case. Every time we have a rough day, I remind myself just how blessed we are.
You guys do a great job!
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